warning: Details ahead

So I spent the weekend in Las Vegas for a Tool concert and as many of yo know, I have given up drinking. Well, I am happy to say I did not falter and kept my self sober and drink free the entire weekend. It really was not as hard as I was expecting it to be. It's not like I was sitting there sweating and licking my lips at every drink I saw, And I saw a lot. No, it was more like Someone:"You want a drink?" Me: "Meh, no thanks." and that was it hahaha. I am very happy with the decisions I made.

So, I first arrived in Vegas and checked into my hotel, Excalibur. Not a bad hotel but the maid seemed to have missed cleaning it very well. The trash was full and there was popcorn on the floor. Not a lot but it was around. I did not call house keeping or complain just because thats the kinda guy I am and because I needed to take a shower and head over to the concert, so I really didn't have the time to mess with it. So I got all clean and changed and and decided to walk to the Planet Hollywood hotel and casino where the concert was, not a long walk but it was pretty hot but again, not a big deal. I quite enjoy walking down the strip actually. So I get to the venue and get inline for the merch. A shirt for the tour was $75! I decided to pass. Some art for $900, hahaha, again a pass. Then I saw what I wanted, a poster of this specific night and venue. $120 signed or $30 unsigned. I had exactily $120 on me but decided to get the unsigned one to save money for gambling...I should have just bought it. The concert was great and the quote of the night was "Raise your hands if your 21 or under. You were all sperm when we wrote this song." Hahaha, Nice.

After the show was over I went to meet up with some friends that happened to be there the same weekend. They were at the Toby Keith bar in Harrah's so I decided to walk there too. It was a longer walk than expected. By this time my feet, or more accurately my foot, was hurting really bad. I hung out at the bar with the guys and had a fun time with them, the whole while not ordering a drink and turning down offers to buy me a drink. We were there for some time and when it came time to leave I rode the monorail back to my end of town. Hahaha.

The next day I woke up early and went down to the Pawn Stars pawn shop. I was supposed to meet my Dad and his wife, Jan, for lunch in Henderson so I decided I could cut it close but I could get it done. I got to the pawn shop, went inside took 3 pictures and left. I got what I wanted though, a picture of the Jim Morrison painting. So cool but not for sale. I made it to lunch with my Dad and Jan without being late. We had a nice lunch at Rubio's and then went to their house. It's the first time I've seen it, it's very nice and in a nice area away from Vegas. We sat, relaxed and cit chatted for a while and then I left. I met back up with the boys and gambled for a few hours with $50 bucks but ended up losing it all, but hey, a few hours of entertainment for $50 is a pretty good deal. We went back to our hotels and got ready for the strip club...That being said, if you would like to not hear details you should stop reading now....

Ok, if you are still with me you are in for a treat. One of the guys scored us a limo ride to Spearmint Rhino (sp) and entry all for free. Thats a huge deal. The limo picks us up and we head out at about 10:20pm. We get to the joint and we get our I.D's checked at the back door and they let us in. I am in the back because I have no idea what to do, hahaha, I've only gone to strip joints a few times and am always nervous. I guess one of the guys I was with gave the host a few bucks and he sat us in a vip area with our own table...again a big deal. We got a lot for very little. Ok, so I am following the group trying to not be too distracted by all the beautiful boobies, er, women and get myself lost. We sit down and immediately girls are all over us. A few of the guys know what they are doing and get right into it, one of the guys is standoffish and I am giggling like a school girl. When the girls come up and say "Hey baby, you want some company?" I reply "No thank you but I appreciate it very much, thank you." hahaha. Finally a girl comes over and gets on my lap and starts dancing. She informs me my friend has already taken care of it. Awesome, my first (yes my FIRST) lap dance. It was very entertaining and just a bit scary. I didn't know where to put my hands so I put them at my side on the arms of the chair but she would grab them and put them on her hips so I just went with it, all the while smiling and holding back my giggles. After the dance I thank my friend and laugh.

I sit for a while and am trying to say no thanks to all the girls that come up to me and I come up with a brilliant plan; If I have a cigar, they wont be able to dance on me for fear of burning themselves. So I order a stogy from our waitress who has been bringing drinks to us (again I did not partake) and I light up. I start out by puffing away, sitting back and relaxing but start using it like a shaman would use sage. As a girl would approach I would wave around the the cigar so the smoke would be seen very clearly as a sign to say "stay away: sacred ground." It only lasted so long and was gone. I was now defenseless. I kept them away as long as I could until it happened again.

A girl sits on my lap and says "Your friend sent me over." I giggle and say "Oh did he?" She looks at my watch, bracelet and touches my lip ring and says "I like your style." She begins to dance all around and I am starting to relax a little and have a good time and role with it, then...she sticks her hands up my shirt to rub up on me and she gets to my nipples and stops dead in her tracks. (Side note: My nipples are pierced and the rings I have in consist of a circle that goes around my nipple with a bar going through it and my nipples to keep them on. Surrounding this circle are six spikes that are pretty sharp.) So she is there, stopped, frozen then she slowly looks up at me and I sit there wide eyed and thinking in my head "now what?" She then jumps back up onto my lap and unbuttons my top button to reach down and see the rings. One problem, I am wearing an undershirt. So she gets down and lifts my shirt up and starts feeling how sharp they really are. She asks me about them and I reply "I guess I like my pleasure spiked with pain." she looks intrigued and says "How bad do they hurt?" and puts her boobs on my chest. At this point I have no idea what to do, hahaha, I am not saying I didn't enjoy it I'm just saying it is new territory to me. So with her boob pressed firmly against my chest she says "I can't feel it." So I tell her "Well no, because you are pressing against it. Go up and down on it." She does and *poke* she yelps and says "oooohhhhh" hahahaha. I was red. Like I said, I had a blast, a lot of fun but it was new for me. She finished her dance and went on her way. We stayed until about three in the morning I think and finally went back to our hotels. Good times, good times.

The next day I woke up, got ready, checked out and went to grab a bite to eat at Planet Hollywood the restaurant in Cesars Palace. I wanted their Texas Tostados but they were serving breakfast so I got the English breakfast, bangers and mash, with orange juice and hot tea. It was great and filling. After breakfast I headed out of town. I forgot to fill up in Las Vegas where the gas is much cheaper and waited until I hit Baker. I stopped at AM/PM because I kinda like that place. I used my ATM card and was denied. I knew I had money in there for gas but it was still denied. I begin to panic. I notice on the gas pump that AM/PM which serves Arco gas is a BP company. I leave. I go to Chevron, don't see a "BP" logo anywhere and try my luck...It works. Sweet I can go home. I told my brother about it and he said Arco preapproves your card for like $100, which I did not have so it was denied. Thats why the other gas station worked because they preapprove a smaller amount, which I did have. I then continued my drive to Ridgecrest where I made it safe, sound and still sober :)

For the record

I am a completely depressed, pissed off, angry and hurt individual. I seem to have a natural tendency towards depression but it's more than that. Some of the choices I have made lately I have made reluctantly but with my children's best interest in mind. Although I believe them to be the better choices for my kids, I don't think they are the better choices for myself. I can not say with any amount of certainty that the choices ARE better for my kids but with my experience in life, I believe they are, no matter the effect on myself or my mental health.

The reason I bring it up is I have been trying hard to figure out what is truly best for both my children and me. Is me staying here and continuing things as they are best? Should I move and see my children less? Would that make me happy or would I be even more depressed so far away from them with greater amounts of time between seeing them? These and more are all questions only I can answer and give me a great deal of stress and anguish.

As far as my ex goes, she is one of the reasons I am always so pissed. She seems to have no intention of putting the children first but instead, always trying to make sure I'm the bad guy. From what I understand she talks about me almost constantly. What she says, I don't know but I am sure it's intent is to hurt my character and insure she is the "victim" in all this. I am not going to tell anyone that she is lying nor am I going to tell anyone that she is telling the truth. It's up to each individual to believe or not believe what she is saying and if it even really matters as it concerns them.

I go through spurts of blogging and not blogging. There are a few reasons for that. One is because I twitter constantly and that goes straight to my Facebook page and so I am always updating whats going on. Here I can get into more detail but I always seem to get lost in my points so I'm all over the place. Hopefully I can turn that around soon enough and update here a lot more. Anyway, I hope this helps a little with people understanding a little bit of where I'm coming from and why I always seem to be upset about something, it's truly because I have a lot on my mind and I'm always thinking...And that's why I drink a lot of beer but thats another story for another time ;)

What the duce?

It seems my writing is suck lately. I think it's just a matter of "if you don't use it you lose it" kinda deal. Not sure if I'm too busy, too stressed or just plain too lazy to do it anymore. Maybe I just have nothing to say...No that's not it. I have plenty to say but transferring my thoughts from head to screen or paper has always been a very difficult task for me.

I guess the biggest thing on my mind right now is the Cerro Coso Theatre and it's future. Unfortunately some of the administration seem to think it's a good idea to cut it completely to answer the age old question of "budget cuts". Many people, myself included, disagree. We think we can take some cuts, sure, we all need to help out but cutting a program completely is not the answer. Let's say for arguments sake that it indeed needed to be cut completely, the people who are responsible for cutting it should be able to back up their decision and show us how and why it HAD to be done. They can not or have not, whichever it is I'm not letting it go that easy.

If you know me, you know I don't let things go so easy when I know I'm right. (for the record, when I "know I'm right" its still my opinion and not fact) I will continue to fight this fight until the answers are there and clear.

And today...

In my effort to keep up here, Today was a fun day. Although I didn't get to sleep till 6 A.M. and got cranky throughout the day it was still pretty fun. Again we played video games for a good part of the day then we went out at about 5 P.M. to get some family photos done. A friend is building her portfolio and gave us a great deal. As soon as I get the pictures back I will share them. She is very easy to work with and my kids (which are incredibly shy) warmed up to her quickly. http://www.facebook.com/pages/B-Photography/400120351514?ref=ts

When we got home I made dinner, I put all games on hold for the night and we enjoyed some Indiana Jones Movies. I also made a fire. It is actually pretty hot here in Ridgecrest but my kids love a fire so I caved and built it anyway. I have no idea what we are going to do the rest of the week because, well because there is nothing to do in this town. Especially when you're broke. Maybe a park or something. we will see.

Where have I been?

It has been brought to my attention that I have been neglecting my blog. Its seems so hard to get on here when all my updating I do through my phone via Twitter. So, what have I been up to? Nothing, and everything. The biggest thing I've been doing recently is trying to save the theatre program at Cerro Coso Community College. I have been doing everything in my power to bring light to what I believe has been an injustice. If you want more info about that or how you can help let me know and I'll do my best to get the info to you.

With spring break here I have my kids all week, well, mostly all week. They will go see their mom on her birthday and I will be out of town that day anyway for the Theatre Arts Club annual L.A. trip. It's great to have them for longer than just a weekend but when I'm broke we can't go anywhere like Las Vegas or Albuquerque. The kids hate the long car rides (and being away from the xbox for more that 30 seconds) but sometimes I just gotta say "To bad." I remember all the trips I took as a child and although I most likely complained to whole time, I am glad I have the memories.

I am going to try and keep up more here, if not every day at least every Sunday.