Frickin' frack!

God damn! I am in such a bad mood today. Starting with having no sleep last night, wait, I take that back. Having maybe 2 hours of sleep last night. Trying to not let that bother me I just figured I'd get some Xbox game play in. That's when it decided to give me a big middle finger in the form a red ring of death. Frustrating as hell but I try and not let it bother me, telling myself "It's only stuff."

I tried to have a good time with the kids and take them to the family fun fair at the park but Andrew is being a teenager and not wanting to participate and Audrey wants to do her own thing and when I tell her to wait she wines and cries. I usually don't have a problem with Miah and he got 1st place in his group on the Punt, Pass, Kick challenge. He got a blue ribbon and a soccer ball. Andrew wouldn't do it based on him being "tired" and I figured if he doesn't want to, why force him.

I decided to get us some food, after all maybe I was just grumpy because I was hungry and guess what? Yep. Mine got missed somehow. I just smiled and told them not to worry about it as my blood boiled and my stomach twisted. After I finally got my food and ate we decided to head out to Inyokern for the 100 year anniversary of the founding of the town. The event was scheduled to go until six, we got there about two. Plenty of time to see it all you say? Think again. The only people that were there were the Boys And Girls Club people. At least I knew the people that were there. We stayed just long enough for Audrey to get her face painted and play a little but they wouldn't play nicely and so I decided to call it a day.

It's not the kids fault and I know that, but I expect a lot from them because we don't get to see each other very often. Maybe I expect too much. I just don't want them to sit inside all day. I like to get them out doing things, having adventures and creating memories. I was around my sons age when my parents separated and the time I spent with my Dad I don't really remember doing anything. Maybe we did and I was just being a teenager like my son but still, I want them to be excited to come see me. and that brings me to my next point...

Women! Christian and I have not been technically "together" but we have still been spending a lot of time together. The main reason we broke up in the first place was kids. Not the ones I have now but the possible ones in the future. This is my problem, I don't ever want to have to do this again. I understand kids come with marriage and I don't think I ever want a marriage again. I know its supposed to be forever and if you're in love you do it, its not that I don't love the girl, it's just that I understand that what you want and what life is are two completely different things. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind in the future but for now, that's how I feel.