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warning: Details ahead

So I spent the weekend in Las Vegas for a Tool concert and as many of yo know, I have given up drinking. Well, I am happy to say I did not falter and kept my self sober and drink free the entire weekend. It really was not as hard as I was expecting it to be. It's not like I was sitting there sweating and licking my lips at every drink I saw, And I saw a lot. No, it was more like Someone:"You want a drink?" Me: "Meh, no thanks." and that was it hahaha. I am very happy with the decisions I made.

So, I first arrived in Vegas and checked into my hotel, Excalibur. Not a bad hotel but the maid seemed to have missed cleaning it very well. The trash was full and there was popcorn on the floor. Not a lot but it was around. I did not call house keeping or complain just because thats the kinda guy I am and because I needed to take a shower and head over to the concert, so I really didn't have the time to mess with it. So I got all clean and changed and and decided to walk to the Planet Hollywood hotel and casino where the concert was, not a long walk but it was pretty hot but again, not a big deal. I quite enjoy walking down the strip actually. So I get to the venue and get inline for the merch. A shirt for the tour was $75! I decided to pass. Some art for $900, hahaha, again a pass. Then I saw what I wanted, a poster of this specific night and venue. $120 signed or $30 unsigned. I had exactily $120 on me but decided to get the unsigned one to save money for gambling...I should have just bought it. The concert was great and the quote of the night was "Raise your hands if your 21 or under. You were all sperm when we wrote this song." Hahaha, Nice.

After the show was over I went to meet up with some friends that happened to be there the same weekend. They were at the Toby Keith bar in Harrah's so I decided to walk there too. It was a longer walk than expected. By this time my feet, or more accurately my foot, was hurting really bad. I hung out at the bar with the guys and had a fun time with them, the whole while not ordering a drink and turning down offers to buy me a drink. We were there for some time and when it came time to leave I rode the monorail back to my end of town. Hahaha.

The next day I woke up early and went down to the Pawn Stars pawn shop. I was supposed to meet my Dad and his wife, Jan, for lunch in Henderson so I decided I could cut it close but I could get it done. I got to the pawn shop, went inside took 3 pictures and left. I got what I wanted though, a picture of the Jim Morrison painting. So cool but not for sale. I made it to lunch with my Dad and Jan without being late. We had a nice lunch at Rubio's and then went to their house. It's the first time I've seen it, it's very nice and in a nice area away from Vegas. We sat, relaxed and cit chatted for a while and then I left. I met back up with the boys and gambled for a few hours with $50 bucks but ended up losing it all, but hey, a few hours of entertainment for $50 is a pretty good deal. We went back to our hotels and got ready for the strip club...That being said, if you would like to not hear details you should stop reading now....

Ok, if you are still with me you are in for a treat. One of the guys scored us a limo ride to Spearmint Rhino (sp) and entry all for free. Thats a huge deal. The limo picks us up and we head out at about 10:20pm. We get to the joint and we get our I.D's checked at the back door and they let us in. I am in the back because I have no idea what to do, hahaha, I've only gone to strip joints a few times and am always nervous. I guess one of the guys I was with gave the host a few bucks and he sat us in a vip area with our own table...again a big deal. We got a lot for very little. Ok, so I am following the group trying to not be too distracted by all the beautiful boobies, er, women and get myself lost. We sit down and immediately girls are all over us. A few of the guys know what they are doing and get right into it, one of the guys is standoffish and I am giggling like a school girl. When the girls come up and say "Hey baby, you want some company?" I reply "No thank you but I appreciate it very much, thank you." hahaha. Finally a girl comes over and gets on my lap and starts dancing. She informs me my friend has already taken care of it. Awesome, my first (yes my FIRST) lap dance. It was very entertaining and just a bit scary. I didn't know where to put my hands so I put them at my side on the arms of the chair but she would grab them and put them on her hips so I just went with it, all the while smiling and holding back my giggles. After the dance I thank my friend and laugh.

I sit for a while and am trying to say no thanks to all the girls that come up to me and I come up with a brilliant plan; If I have a cigar, they wont be able to dance on me for fear of burning themselves. So I order a stogy from our waitress who has been bringing drinks to us (again I did not partake) and I light up. I start out by puffing away, sitting back and relaxing but start using it like a shaman would use sage. As a girl would approach I would wave around the the cigar so the smoke would be seen very clearly as a sign to say "stay away: sacred ground." It only lasted so long and was gone. I was now defenseless. I kept them away as long as I could until it happened again.

A girl sits on my lap and says "Your friend sent me over." I giggle and say "Oh did he?" She looks at my watch, bracelet and touches my lip ring and says "I like your style." She begins to dance all around and I am starting to relax a little and have a good time and role with it, then...she sticks her hands up my shirt to rub up on me and she gets to my nipples and stops dead in her tracks. (Side note: My nipples are pierced and the rings I have in consist of a circle that goes around my nipple with a bar going through it and my nipples to keep them on. Surrounding this circle are six spikes that are pretty sharp.) So she is there, stopped, frozen then she slowly looks up at me and I sit there wide eyed and thinking in my head "now what?" She then jumps back up onto my lap and unbuttons my top button to reach down and see the rings. One problem, I am wearing an undershirt. So she gets down and lifts my shirt up and starts feeling how sharp they really are. She asks me about them and I reply "I guess I like my pleasure spiked with pain." she looks intrigued and says "How bad do they hurt?" and puts her boobs on my chest. At this point I have no idea what to do, hahaha, I am not saying I didn't enjoy it I'm just saying it is new territory to me. So with her boob pressed firmly against my chest she says "I can't feel it." So I tell her "Well no, because you are pressing against it. Go up and down on it." She does and *poke* she yelps and says "oooohhhhh" hahahaha. I was red. Like I said, I had a blast, a lot of fun but it was new for me. She finished her dance and went on her way. We stayed until about three in the morning I think and finally went back to our hotels. Good times, good times.

The next day I woke up, got ready, checked out and went to grab a bite to eat at Planet Hollywood the restaurant in Cesars Palace. I wanted their Texas Tostados but they were serving breakfast so I got the English breakfast, bangers and mash, with orange juice and hot tea. It was great and filling. After breakfast I headed out of town. I forgot to fill up in Las Vegas where the gas is much cheaper and waited until I hit Baker. I stopped at AM/PM because I kinda like that place. I used my ATM card and was denied. I knew I had money in there for gas but it was still denied. I begin to panic. I notice on the gas pump that AM/PM which serves Arco gas is a BP company. I leave. I go to Chevron, don't see a "BP" logo anywhere and try my luck...It works. Sweet I can go home. I told my brother about it and he said Arco preapproves your card for like $100, which I did not have so it was denied. Thats why the other gas station worked because they preapprove a smaller amount, which I did have. I then continued my drive to Ridgecrest where I made it safe, sound and still sober :)

For the record

I am a completely depressed, pissed off, angry and hurt individual. I seem to have a natural tendency towards depression but it's more than that. Some of the choices I have made lately I have made reluctantly but with my children's best interest in mind. Although I believe them to be the better choices for my kids, I don't think they are the better choices for myself. I can not say with any amount of certainty that the choices ARE better for my kids but with my experience in life, I believe they are, no matter the effect on myself or my mental health.

The reason I bring it up is I have been trying hard to figure out what is truly best for both my children and me. Is me staying here and continuing things as they are best? Should I move and see my children less? Would that make me happy or would I be even more depressed so far away from them with greater amounts of time between seeing them? These and more are all questions only I can answer and give me a great deal of stress and anguish.

As far as my ex goes, she is one of the reasons I am always so pissed. She seems to have no intention of putting the children first but instead, always trying to make sure I'm the bad guy. From what I understand she talks about me almost constantly. What she says, I don't know but I am sure it's intent is to hurt my character and insure she is the "victim" in all this. I am not going to tell anyone that she is lying nor am I going to tell anyone that she is telling the truth. It's up to each individual to believe or not believe what she is saying and if it even really matters as it concerns them.

I go through spurts of blogging and not blogging. There are a few reasons for that. One is because I twitter constantly and that goes straight to my Facebook page and so I am always updating whats going on. Here I can get into more detail but I always seem to get lost in my points so I'm all over the place. Hopefully I can turn that around soon enough and update here a lot more. Anyway, I hope this helps a little with people understanding a little bit of where I'm coming from and why I always seem to be upset about something, it's truly because I have a lot on my mind and I'm always thinking...And that's why I drink a lot of beer but thats another story for another time ;)

What the duce?

It seems my writing is suck lately. I think it's just a matter of "if you don't use it you lose it" kinda deal. Not sure if I'm too busy, too stressed or just plain too lazy to do it anymore. Maybe I just have nothing to say...No that's not it. I have plenty to say but transferring my thoughts from head to screen or paper has always been a very difficult task for me.

I guess the biggest thing on my mind right now is the Cerro Coso Theatre and it's future. Unfortunately some of the administration seem to think it's a good idea to cut it completely to answer the age old question of "budget cuts". Many people, myself included, disagree. We think we can take some cuts, sure, we all need to help out but cutting a program completely is not the answer. Let's say for arguments sake that it indeed needed to be cut completely, the people who are responsible for cutting it should be able to back up their decision and show us how and why it HAD to be done. They can not or have not, whichever it is I'm not letting it go that easy.

If you know me, you know I don't let things go so easy when I know I'm right. (for the record, when I "know I'm right" its still my opinion and not fact) I will continue to fight this fight until the answers are there and clear.

And today...

In my effort to keep up here, Today was a fun day. Although I didn't get to sleep till 6 A.M. and got cranky throughout the day it was still pretty fun. Again we played video games for a good part of the day then we went out at about 5 P.M. to get some family photos done. A friend is building her portfolio and gave us a great deal. As soon as I get the pictures back I will share them. She is very easy to work with and my kids (which are incredibly shy) warmed up to her quickly. http://www.facebook.com/pages/B-Photography/400120351514?ref=ts

When we got home I made dinner, I put all games on hold for the night and we enjoyed some Indiana Jones Movies. I also made a fire. It is actually pretty hot here in Ridgecrest but my kids love a fire so I caved and built it anyway. I have no idea what we are going to do the rest of the week because, well because there is nothing to do in this town. Especially when you're broke. Maybe a park or something. we will see.

Where have I been?

It has been brought to my attention that I have been neglecting my blog. Its seems so hard to get on here when all my updating I do through my phone via Twitter. So, what have I been up to? Nothing, and everything. The biggest thing I've been doing recently is trying to save the theatre program at Cerro Coso Community College. I have been doing everything in my power to bring light to what I believe has been an injustice. If you want more info about that or how you can help let me know and I'll do my best to get the info to you.

With spring break here I have my kids all week, well, mostly all week. They will go see their mom on her birthday and I will be out of town that day anyway for the Theatre Arts Club annual L.A. trip. It's great to have them for longer than just a weekend but when I'm broke we can't go anywhere like Las Vegas or Albuquerque. The kids hate the long car rides (and being away from the xbox for more that 30 seconds) but sometimes I just gotta say "To bad." I remember all the trips I took as a child and although I most likely complained to whole time, I am glad I have the memories.

I am going to try and keep up more here, if not every day at least every Sunday.

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Puscifer and Whales Vagina.

Got back from San Diego yesterday and what a great quick trip it was. Puscifer was dead on, as always. The music is they type you can really feel and not just hear. Its more of an experience than just a show. So many sounds from different instruments blend to a point of perfection with the hint of lyrics from two sycronized and complementary singers.

Some of the down sides? The fans. From waiting in line seeing all the Tool shirts to shouts of "Maynard!" during brief moments of silence. Some of these fans seem to be the loyal "Maynard" followers that don't seem to understand the differences of each endeavor of his. Let it be said that I am also a Tool fan, an A Perfect Circle fan and I'm even a fan of the many wines that Maynard James Keenan produces. It seems what ever he touches he puts his heart and soul into ensuring a quality product, whatever that product maybe, but when I am at a Puscifer concert I'm there for Puscifer. Not to gush over the "lead singer" but to enjoy the entire experience which honestly, is bigger than he is.

Some up sides? I met and got autographs not only from Maynard James Keenan but also the opening band Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival. The one I got from Mr. Keenan was part of the "Meet and Greet" ticket I bought which was interesting but something I won't be doing again. It wasn't as much a meeting or a greeting but more him signing a CD and handing it to me. I was grateful, thanked him and as I did so I did my nervous little bow to which he said something I was to nervous to remember and bowed back. He was very polite but as I was standing in line I started getting nervous, not because of who I was gonna meet but because I was in line with strangers about to meet a stranger...If you know me, I don't do well around strangers, hence the nervous bow.

Meeting Brother Ed and Brother Ant of Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival was not included in the ticket however, it was just a chance we crossed paths. I first saw them last time I saw Puscifer and was enamored but at that show I couldn't find there CD for sale so before the concert started this time I found it and bought it. As the concert came to a close I went over to find something to buy at the Pucisfer merch area. I was standing there and Tony, my friend that was nice enough to accompany me on this adventure, pointed behind me and said "Look" I turned around and saw them. I told them about first seeing them, how much I enjoyed them and then asked if they would sign my newly purchased CD to which they did. They were also very polite and appreciative of gaining a new fan.

All in all a great night with a great friend.

WTF?

I haven't been writing much lately for a few reasons but mostly I have been super busy and things have just been pissing me off lately. I try not to write as much when I'm angry or down (or drunk) because its just a lot of nonsense and it honestly gets old when people just continually bitch and moan. Hopefully things get better post haste, the plays will soon be here and gone and the stress that brings will be lifted and free up some of my time. I will say one of the things that helped me relax during the week was my pool league. That has now changed.

I look forward to the beer on Tuesday nights now more than actually playing pool. Two reasons for this, first off my team has begun the season playing teams that far surpass our skill level. This isn't that big of a deal because like I've said before I just enjoy (or enjoyed) playing pool but to constantly get beat hard core has an affect on you. Second, this Tuesday night league has become so political in nature it's effing ridiculous. I'm not sure if we're playing pool or if we're recanting rules, regulations and watching every game with a microscope to show off how much we know and understand the rules, instead of having a good time. So this will most likely be my last Tuesday night year.

Now before you say "But Chad, it IS a league and rules are there to clearly define legality of play because the top winning teams get prize money and the winning team gets to go to Vegas and play. You are just mad because you suck at pool." To that I respond, agreed, but I believe that having a good time about it is important as well. I have placed in a position to win money and honestly, that money ain't gonna change my life and if I did place high enough to go to Vegas I am sure it wouldn't last long.


Anyway, like I said, this bitching and moaning stuff has got to go and be replaced with better commentary on the finer side of things...Like the concert I'm going to on the first! Puscifer has become a new favorite of mine. I think it has to do with the complexity of the sounds generated and the changing nature it has. It's clearly hard to define as a genre and even harder to explain the inherent beauty I find in it. The last show I saw of theirs, which incidentally was their first, was amazing. It's a mixture of moods, music, friends, videos, comedy and wine. This should be fun and hopefully let me regain something of my soul.

Frickin' frack!

God damn! I am in such a bad mood today. Starting with having no sleep last night, wait, I take that back. Having maybe 2 hours of sleep last night. Trying to not let that bother me I just figured I'd get some Xbox game play in. That's when it decided to give me a big middle finger in the form a red ring of death. Frustrating as hell but I try and not let it bother me, telling myself "It's only stuff."

I tried to have a good time with the kids and take them to the family fun fair at the park but Andrew is being a teenager and not wanting to participate and Audrey wants to do her own thing and when I tell her to wait she wines and cries. I usually don't have a problem with Miah and he got 1st place in his group on the Punt, Pass, Kick challenge. He got a blue ribbon and a soccer ball. Andrew wouldn't do it based on him being "tired" and I figured if he doesn't want to, why force him.

I decided to get us some food, after all maybe I was just grumpy because I was hungry and guess what? Yep. Mine got missed somehow. I just smiled and told them not to worry about it as my blood boiled and my stomach twisted. After I finally got my food and ate we decided to head out to Inyokern for the 100 year anniversary of the founding of the town. The event was scheduled to go until six, we got there about two. Plenty of time to see it all you say? Think again. The only people that were there were the Boys And Girls Club people. At least I knew the people that were there. We stayed just long enough for Audrey to get her face painted and play a little but they wouldn't play nicely and so I decided to call it a day.

It's not the kids fault and I know that, but I expect a lot from them because we don't get to see each other very often. Maybe I expect too much. I just don't want them to sit inside all day. I like to get them out doing things, having adventures and creating memories. I was around my sons age when my parents separated and the time I spent with my Dad I don't really remember doing anything. Maybe we did and I was just being a teenager like my son but still, I want them to be excited to come see me. and that brings me to my next point...

Women! Christian and I have not been technically "together" but we have still been spending a lot of time together. The main reason we broke up in the first place was kids. Not the ones I have now but the possible ones in the future. This is my problem, I don't ever want to have to do this again. I understand kids come with marriage and I don't think I ever want a marriage again. I know its supposed to be forever and if you're in love you do it, its not that I don't love the girl, it's just that I understand that what you want and what life is are two completely different things. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind in the future but for now, that's how I feel.

Argh!!!

I sit here with a can of MTN DEW wondering what to write about. I blame the iPhone. I have the kids this weekend and we have a lot planned. There is a Family Fun Fair at Rocket Park and this weekend marks the 100 year anniversary of Inyokerns' founding and there is a bunch going on for that. So I should have a lot to write about soon. I really need to write every night before bed, good stuff or not, I've never claimed this was going to be gold, or enrich your life in any way.

Last weekend I went to Vegas to see friends from WA. What a great trip. We went on an ATV ride with Awesome Adventures. Not only was it a fun ride but they took us into an old gold and silver mine and gave us a little history lesson about the area. The lunch they provided was top notch as well. They have built a little ghost town that you ride out to where they have a BBQ set up. Lunch was corn on the cob, beans, and chicken all very tasty. After you eat lunch you ride around a bit more before heading back in. A great way to spend a few hours away from Vegas.

We also went to Dicks Last Resort for dinner in Excalibur. It was fun and I was made fun of the second I stepped in. It seems people can spot me from a mile away because the guy was across the room with a microphone, its just too bad I'm deaf and didn't hear what was said. There was also a girl walking around handing out balloon...sculptures. My friend was the B-day boy and got a naked stripper on a pole. Me? I got a gigantic penis, complete with testicles and, um, lets just say... well, I'll add the picture. The best part was when she was tying it around my waist she basically went down on me. All in all a good trip.

What a great weekend.

I have been sick all weekend turning my 3 day holiday weekend into a 5 day sitting on the couch getting all dizzeated on meds, to thinking I'm well enough to go out with friends for a bit, to meds wearing off finding out I'm not well at all, to being cared for by Christian, to being better enough for work.

So today is my first day back and I'm not exactly 100% but i am well enough for work. I know kids can taste fear and smell weakness. Wish me well friends.

Pictures.

I am trying to go through my pictures and edit a few of the really good ones. The problem is, I don't have a really good editor. A friend of mine @JustMegs turned me on to Picasa. It seems OK but I've only been using it for oh, twenty minuets. One of the problems I am having with it is it scans and opens/makes folders of all my pictures. I have, literally, tens of thousands of pictures. Some folders I haven't gone through to delete bad pictures yet but still, I just want to open my own folders and edit my pictures one by one. When I have to see them all sitting there its a little daunting. I'm gonna play around with it more and see what happens. If anyone knows of any other good (free) editors let me know. Just for the record, @JustMegs seems to have mastered Picasa so I am sure its a great program, just maybe not the one for me. But again only about twenty minuets in so I won't throw it out just yet.

What a long strange trip its been...

What a blast from the past. The last time I was in Washington was last year for my Grandfathers funeral. Needless to say I didnt do much other than deal with all that. This time I went for a wedding. Christian and I flew up and spent 5 day there. We stayed with an old friend and her family, Megan. I havent seen her since I was about 13ish but we got along like not a day had passed by. We got to spend a lot of time with her, her husband and their child. What great people. They took us all over the area and we didnt stop.

A few of the highlites were The Space Needle in Seattle, Pikes Place and the first Starbucks, an underground tour of old Seattle, Wild Game Animal Park, Snoqualmie Falls, etc etc. Lets just say not a moment was wasted. I will hopefully spend some time soon editing pictures and let the trip speak for itself. for now, heres a sample or two.

Holy crap I've been busy.

So I got back from Vegas and just kinda hung around the house with the kids playing video games. I talked to the kids about Christian and I and after a look that could only mean "Dad, you're a dumbass." I talked a little more specifically about our differences and how she wanted Children in the future and I didn't. Audrey asked me "Why?" and with a little confusion I said "Well, I have you guys. I don't want to share my love with anybody else." With out a drop of a hat Jeremiah said "Well, I wouldn't mind." to which Audrey replied "Yea! I want a little Sister...Or a nice Brother." Andrew didn't seem interested all that much and was just playing video games. Teenagers, what can you do huh? So now I have no idea where I'm at. My decision of no children was mainly based on the children I have now, but they may have a point. I love children and its not like Christian wanted kids tomorrow. So we will see what the future holds.

The kids went back to their moms and I went off to Albuquerque to help move my brother and his family back there. It was a long drive because I followed his truck and going mostly 65 mph but on the plus side, I got 60+ mpg from Flagstaff to Albuquerque. We didn't do really anything while we were there, just unpacking and getting stuff together. We did go as a large group, my brother Shays family, my sister Raeshas family and I, to Turtle Mountain Brewery for a dinner. I had their signature Mac & Cheese, sooooo good and I got a growler of T.M.B.C. I.P.A. (that's Turtle Mountain Brewing Company's India Pale Ale) The day before I had taken a break to go see my Brother In Law play hockey on the Ice Skating Rink I spent many hours on as a child. It was a lot of fun but I had to leave early to meet with a guy for a possible movie role. I met this guy at a Denny's, he seems passionate about films but I'm not quite sure I'm gonna go for it or not. Something just feels off about it, nothing major, just not sure I'm the guy for this project.

I left Albuquerque and stopped in Flagstaff to spend the night with a friend of mine. I got into town and we went to Beaver Street Brewery for lunch. I had a Meatloaf Sandwich that was amazing and I got a growler of their Nut Brown Ale which made the trip back to RC with me and is chilling in the fridge. After lunch we went back to the house to wait for her boyfriend to get off work and when he did he had to help a friend of theirs install some plumbing so we just kinda hung out and watched him work.

The next morning I headed off to Jerome, AZ. A four hour side trek, two hours there and two hours back to where I needed to be. The drive was incredibly breathtaking. When I got to Jerome I immediately had a feeling of deja vu. The town is literally on the side of a mountain and driving on its streets is a dizzying experience due to its switchbacks and hair pin turns. The longer I spent there the more I realized I had been there before, maybe twenty years ago or so. The feeling of meeting back with myself is a strange yet calming, satisfying experience. I went to Jerome for two reasons, the Puscifer store and Caduceus Cellars. I got myself a Puscifer belt buckle and some wine and wine paraphernalia. The stores, the town and the 30 or so minutes I spent in them, were very much worth my four hour add on.

Well then.

I spent this last week in Las Vegas to celebrate my Dads 60th birthday. I had a pretty good time. The party itself was a surprise party and it was a complete success. I was originally only going to stay the weekend at the Stratosphere but due to a family member who could not make the trip, I took their spot at the Polo Towers for the week. Christian, The kids and I all stayed at the Stratosphere for the weekend with my brother Shay and his family.

I ended up going to the airport to pick up my other brother Ian. No one knew if he was going to make it out or not, not even him until about twenty four hours before his flight. He stayed his day or so and I eventually took him back to the airport to go home.

The rest of the week was very relaxing. I drove Christian back to RC so she could go to work and thirty minutes later I was back on the road to Las Vegas. The kids and I spent a lot of time in the pool and looking at the strip on our balconies. I read The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy. We watched T.V. Went out to Chuck E. Cheese's... and that's about it.

I came home to RC and now Christian and I are no longer together. We started talking about things and its just not gonna work out. We are still friends and (as far as I know) there are no hard feelings. I know this is all over the place but I'm a little out of storts but a lot has been going on and I have been away and unable to write about it all so it gets a little jumbled.

The rise and fall of video games.

I enjoy video games as much as the next guy but some days, I've had too much. I play games to relax and I use it as an outlet but I do not let them take over my life. Mostly, I play Call of Duty Modern Warfare for the time being. Adding the ability to play live with other human beings is in itself nothing short of amazing but the fact that people take this shit so seriously is beyond belief. I can take criticism, in fact I will be the first to point out I'm not a "great" player, after all I'm just there to have fun. So when you start coming at me talking about how "stupid" I am for not shooting someone who is right in front of me, causing you to get shot, you can go fuck yourself.

First off the ability to use hand eye coordination has little to do with intelligence, its a motor skill we all develop and it gradually gets better as it is applied. Second, How can someone else be stupid, or responsible, for your dumbass getting shot? Pay attention dip shit. And lastly, A game such as Call of Duty is a team game. If all you do is bitch and moan about how other people have failed you, there is nothing anyone can do about it. Maybe you should figure out it is you who sucks at the game and try talking and listening to your team members.

I am a Child of the NES era and I believe to this day it is, and always will be, the best game console out there. I spent much of my youth playing many games on that system. Most hours spent playing the best game of all time, The Legend of Zelda. One player, two button choices and no Internet or headset required. So raise a glass to Zelda for me and if you wanna call me an idiot, stupid or a dumbass do it because I use spell check for the simplest of words and not because you have no idea how to relax and play a video game.

Marley and Me.

I watched Marley and Me for the first time the other day and I absolutely loved it. It was a little depressing to me in a way though... it might have something to do with me being a 27 year old divorcee who's an out of work actor living with his mother and only seeing his children when its "his time"... or maybe I'm just an asshole. Either way the movie was still great.

It got me thinking a lot about happiness and how it seems to be eluding me. The choices I've made in my life have been a mixture of turmoil, complacency and bliss but they have been (for the most part) my choices. I'm not thinking of the choices I've made in a sense of "What could I have changed in the past?" but much more in the sense of "What can I curently change to make my life better?" Keeping in mind if my life is better, so are the lives of my Children.

I'm not saying I'm unhappy, I'm just saying things could be much better and I need to do a lot of work to get there. It will be a rough road to travel but the rewards will be well worth it. Luckily I have the love and support of my family and friends who love me and whom I love very much.

Camping trip.

The camping trip was great! We got up to Fairview campground on the Kern river and unloaded all our gear. The first thing the kids wanted to do was fish...and fish we did. We fished right there at our campsite the first day and fished up and down the river the next day. We even fished at a private little lake where I used to work. All that fishing and we caught nothing but we had fun just fishing and playing in the river. My brother cooked pretty much all the meals which was cool.

I kept telling the kids to keep their shoes on while fishing which didn't really work out. I was afraid they might catch a hook in their foot but they couldn't wear their shoes in the water so it was kinda a catch 22. It all worked out OK until we were fishing under a bridge. Jeremiah caught a hook in the foot, that poor kid and Sharp objects with his feet. Good news was, he had his shoes on like I had asked. So as I was pulling out the hook, and unraveling the fishing line from his leg, I got the hook stuck in my finger. Luckily it didn't go in too deep and my brother was there to pull it out for me. All in all, we had a great time.

Audition anyone?

I got an audition for something filming in Albuquerque, problem is auditions are this Wednsday. Not to worry, the amazing Chad is on the job. I sent in my headshot and resume and the guy who is casting sent me an email asking if I could do a video audition. I asked him if I would have a copy of the script or what he wanted, I then got an email with a phone number to call to hammer out details. I called and i will be getting the "sides" emailed to me. Sweet! He is filming not only this but a few and will use this audition for the future projects as well. I hope it works out.

The kids and I are getting ready for our camping trip. By doing so I have gone back into the dungeon we have as a storage unit to find all our camping gear only to find...we have none. Its been so long since we have gone I have no idea where any of it is, or where it went. I have two theorys. My brother will be in town tomorrow and we will get the food shopping done, look for a new tent and pick up whatever little gadgets we need. I have the fishing poles, sleeping bags, bow and arrows and other odds and ends ready. This will be an epic camping trip.