Saturday, May 22, 2010

For the record

I am a completely depressed, pissed off, angry and hurt individual. I seem to have a natural tendency towards depression but it's more than that. Some of the choices I have made lately I have made reluctantly but with my children's best interest in mind. Although I believe them to be the better choices for my kids, I don't think they are the better choices for myself. I can not say with any amount of certainty that the choices ARE better for my kids but with my experience in life, I believe they are, no matter the effect on myself or my mental health.

The reason I bring it up is I have been trying hard to figure out what is truly best for both my children and me. Is me staying here and continuing things as they are best? Should I move and see my children less? Would that make me happy or would I be even more depressed so far away from them with greater amounts of time between seeing them? These and more are all questions only I can answer and give me a great deal of stress and anguish.

As far as my ex goes, she is one of the reasons I am always so pissed. She seems to have no intention of putting the children first but instead, always trying to make sure I'm the bad guy. From what I understand she talks about me almost constantly. What she says, I don't know but I am sure it's intent is to hurt my character and insure she is the "victim" in all this. I am not going to tell anyone that she is lying nor am I going to tell anyone that she is telling the truth. It's up to each individual to believe or not believe what she is saying and if it even really matters as it concerns them.

I go through spurts of blogging and not blogging. There are a few reasons for that. One is because I twitter constantly and that goes straight to my Facebook page and so I am always updating whats going on. Here I can get into more detail but I always seem to get lost in my points so I'm all over the place. Hopefully I can turn that around soon enough and update here a lot more. Anyway, I hope this helps a little with people understanding a little bit of where I'm coming from and why I always seem to be upset about something, it's truly because I have a lot on my mind and I'm always thinking...And that's why I drink a lot of beer but thats another story for another time ;)