For the record

I am a completely depressed, pissed off, angry and hurt individual. I seem to have a natural tendency towards depression but it's more than that. Some of the choices I have made lately I have made reluctantly but with my children's best interest in mind. Although I believe them to be the better choices for my kids, I don't think they are the better choices for myself. I can not say with any amount of certainty that the choices ARE better for my kids but with my experience in life, I believe they are, no matter the effect on myself or my mental health.

The reason I bring it up is I have been trying hard to figure out what is truly best for both my children and me. Is me staying here and continuing things as they are best? Should I move and see my children less? Would that make me happy or would I be even more depressed so far away from them with greater amounts of time between seeing them? These and more are all questions only I can answer and give me a great deal of stress and anguish.

As far as my ex goes, she is one of the reasons I am always so pissed. She seems to have no intention of putting the children first but instead, always trying to make sure I'm the bad guy. From what I understand she talks about me almost constantly. What she says, I don't know but I am sure it's intent is to hurt my character and insure she is the "victim" in all this. I am not going to tell anyone that she is lying nor am I going to tell anyone that she is telling the truth. It's up to each individual to believe or not believe what she is saying and if it even really matters as it concerns them.

I go through spurts of blogging and not blogging. There are a few reasons for that. One is because I twitter constantly and that goes straight to my Facebook page and so I am always updating whats going on. Here I can get into more detail but I always seem to get lost in my points so I'm all over the place. Hopefully I can turn that around soon enough and update here a lot more. Anyway, I hope this helps a little with people understanding a little bit of where I'm coming from and why I always seem to be upset about something, it's truly because I have a lot on my mind and I'm always thinking...And that's why I drink a lot of beer but thats another story for another time ;)

What the duce?

It seems my writing is suck lately. I think it's just a matter of "if you don't use it you lose it" kinda deal. Not sure if I'm too busy, too stressed or just plain too lazy to do it anymore. Maybe I just have nothing to say...No that's not it. I have plenty to say but transferring my thoughts from head to screen or paper has always been a very difficult task for me.

I guess the biggest thing on my mind right now is the Cerro Coso Theatre and it's future. Unfortunately some of the administration seem to think it's a good idea to cut it completely to answer the age old question of "budget cuts". Many people, myself included, disagree. We think we can take some cuts, sure, we all need to help out but cutting a program completely is not the answer. Let's say for arguments sake that it indeed needed to be cut completely, the people who are responsible for cutting it should be able to back up their decision and show us how and why it HAD to be done. They can not or have not, whichever it is I'm not letting it go that easy.

If you know me, you know I don't let things go so easy when I know I'm right. (for the record, when I "know I'm right" its still my opinion and not fact) I will continue to fight this fight until the answers are there and clear.

And today...

In my effort to keep up here, Today was a fun day. Although I didn't get to sleep till 6 A.M. and got cranky throughout the day it was still pretty fun. Again we played video games for a good part of the day then we went out at about 5 P.M. to get some family photos done. A friend is building her portfolio and gave us a great deal. As soon as I get the pictures back I will share them. She is very easy to work with and my kids (which are incredibly shy) warmed up to her quickly. http://www.facebook.com/pages/B-Photography/400120351514?ref=ts

When we got home I made dinner, I put all games on hold for the night and we enjoyed some Indiana Jones Movies. I also made a fire. It is actually pretty hot here in Ridgecrest but my kids love a fire so I caved and built it anyway. I have no idea what we are going to do the rest of the week because, well because there is nothing to do in this town. Especially when you're broke. Maybe a park or something. we will see.

Where have I been?

It has been brought to my attention that I have been neglecting my blog. Its seems so hard to get on here when all my updating I do through my phone via Twitter. So, what have I been up to? Nothing, and everything. The biggest thing I've been doing recently is trying to save the theatre program at Cerro Coso Community College. I have been doing everything in my power to bring light to what I believe has been an injustice. If you want more info about that or how you can help let me know and I'll do my best to get the info to you.

With spring break here I have my kids all week, well, mostly all week. They will go see their mom on her birthday and I will be out of town that day anyway for the Theatre Arts Club annual L.A. trip. It's great to have them for longer than just a weekend but when I'm broke we can't go anywhere like Las Vegas or Albuquerque. The kids hate the long car rides (and being away from the xbox for more that 30 seconds) but sometimes I just gotta say "To bad." I remember all the trips I took as a child and although I most likely complained to whole time, I am glad I have the memories.

I am going to try and keep up more here, if not every day at least every Sunday.

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Puscifer and Whales Vagina.

Got back from San Diego yesterday and what a great quick trip it was. Puscifer was dead on, as always. The music is they type you can really feel and not just hear. Its more of an experience than just a show. So many sounds from different instruments blend to a point of perfection with the hint of lyrics from two sycronized and complementary singers.

Some of the down sides? The fans. From waiting in line seeing all the Tool shirts to shouts of "Maynard!" during brief moments of silence. Some of these fans seem to be the loyal "Maynard" followers that don't seem to understand the differences of each endeavor of his. Let it be said that I am also a Tool fan, an A Perfect Circle fan and I'm even a fan of the many wines that Maynard James Keenan produces. It seems what ever he touches he puts his heart and soul into ensuring a quality product, whatever that product maybe, but when I am at a Puscifer concert I'm there for Puscifer. Not to gush over the "lead singer" but to enjoy the entire experience which honestly, is bigger than he is.

Some up sides? I met and got autographs not only from Maynard James Keenan but also the opening band Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival. The one I got from Mr. Keenan was part of the "Meet and Greet" ticket I bought which was interesting but something I won't be doing again. It wasn't as much a meeting or a greeting but more him signing a CD and handing it to me. I was grateful, thanked him and as I did so I did my nervous little bow to which he said something I was to nervous to remember and bowed back. He was very polite but as I was standing in line I started getting nervous, not because of who I was gonna meet but because I was in line with strangers about to meet a stranger...If you know me, I don't do well around strangers, hence the nervous bow.

Meeting Brother Ed and Brother Ant of Uncle Scratch's Gospel Revival was not included in the ticket however, it was just a chance we crossed paths. I first saw them last time I saw Puscifer and was enamored but at that show I couldn't find there CD for sale so before the concert started this time I found it and bought it. As the concert came to a close I went over to find something to buy at the Pucisfer merch area. I was standing there and Tony, my friend that was nice enough to accompany me on this adventure, pointed behind me and said "Look" I turned around and saw them. I told them about first seeing them, how much I enjoyed them and then asked if they would sign my newly purchased CD to which they did. They were also very polite and appreciative of gaining a new fan.

All in all a great night with a great friend.

WTF?

I haven't been writing much lately for a few reasons but mostly I have been super busy and things have just been pissing me off lately. I try not to write as much when I'm angry or down (or drunk) because its just a lot of nonsense and it honestly gets old when people just continually bitch and moan. Hopefully things get better post haste, the plays will soon be here and gone and the stress that brings will be lifted and free up some of my time. I will say one of the things that helped me relax during the week was my pool league. That has now changed.

I look forward to the beer on Tuesday nights now more than actually playing pool. Two reasons for this, first off my team has begun the season playing teams that far surpass our skill level. This isn't that big of a deal because like I've said before I just enjoy (or enjoyed) playing pool but to constantly get beat hard core has an affect on you. Second, this Tuesday night league has become so political in nature it's effing ridiculous. I'm not sure if we're playing pool or if we're recanting rules, regulations and watching every game with a microscope to show off how much we know and understand the rules, instead of having a good time. So this will most likely be my last Tuesday night year.

Now before you say "But Chad, it IS a league and rules are there to clearly define legality of play because the top winning teams get prize money and the winning team gets to go to Vegas and play. You are just mad because you suck at pool." To that I respond, agreed, but I believe that having a good time about it is important as well. I have placed in a position to win money and honestly, that money ain't gonna change my life and if I did place high enough to go to Vegas I am sure it wouldn't last long.


Anyway, like I said, this bitching and moaning stuff has got to go and be replaced with better commentary on the finer side of things...Like the concert I'm going to on the first! Puscifer has become a new favorite of mine. I think it has to do with the complexity of the sounds generated and the changing nature it has. It's clearly hard to define as a genre and even harder to explain the inherent beauty I find in it. The last show I saw of theirs, which incidentally was their first, was amazing. It's a mixture of moods, music, friends, videos, comedy and wine. This should be fun and hopefully let me regain something of my soul.